The Psychopath Test

‘Speaking of crazy, although the book said I am safe to know, I am most definitely not anywhere near legally sane when it comes to boys.’

For last month’s Book Club, Ella chose The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson for the group to read.

I live with Ella, and I did have my suspicions about her choice. YOU JOKE NOW ELLA but you won’t be laughing when you finish the book and remember you’re tied into a 2-year tenancy with me. Guess who’s laughing now, hahahahahahahahaha…haha…ha.

I read the book, which is very good by the way, and it turns out I am not a psycho. I know…

Don’t tell Ella though, I am having too much fun messing with her. I will probs let her know soon, I am getting bored of making her cry, it’s too easy.

Speaking of crazy, although the book said I am safe to know, I am most definitely not anywhere near legally sane when it comes to boys. I would tell you to ask one of them if you didn’t believe me, but they all have court orders preventing me from disclosing their names with you. Soz.

I mean…does it even count if I spell their name incorrectly?

I won’t bore you with all of them, but will just tell you the top stories this year.

After a short time dating a guy from London called Marrrrkkk, not only did I then quit my job and move to the same city, I then found a flat to rent within 100ft of his house. I promise you, it was pure coincidence. And anyway, even it was a bit bunny-boiler-esque, had I not done it then I wouldn’t have Floz or Ellz would I?! I am not sure they feel the same way but that is not the point I am trying to make here.

Oh and you think that was bad, I then got a job 200ft from his work place. Poor guy. He only wanted a one night stand.

After Marrrk, I really got stuck into London life, socialising, dating and even joined a book club. It sounds good but it is total BS. It is just a group of Flo’s mates getting together to discuss my latest dating escapades. And before you say it Flozza, I did pre warn you that I always make it about me. You bloody love it.

Roarie, a random guy, was a friend-of-a-husband-of-a-girl from Book Club. A complete stranger. All I knew was that he sounded like my kind of crazy. So I asked for his number and a week later booked a flight to Scotland. But the flight wasn’t for 3 more weeks, so the next Sunday afternoon he told me he was visiting Yorkshire so I jumped on the next train and was back in work the following morning. Nothing says keen quite like a £100 train ticket for a blind date.

That fling actually ended quite well. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that for those 3 weeks, I called him everyday for at least 3 hours all in all. Am I winning?

Lols. I find it really amusing imaging your reactions. And yes, you’re 100% right to be concerned.

Then it was Anter-knee. I did actually like him for real I think, which made me panic and make a spectacular job of not only sabotaging it, but pushing him to the brink of getting a restraining order I’m sure. I may well have had that knock on the door from the police, but I have been away on holiday. To the country he’s from. Where his Dad still lives. And In the same month he planned to visit.

Gosh, isn’t it funny how much creepier it sounds when you write it down.

Obviously the spontaneous decision to visit the country with the most expensive flights, on my own, for two weeks, was nothing to do with the fact he rejected me a week earlier. God no. Who does that.

Also, just to clarify, no matter how many times you call/text/try and find where they live at 12am, it most definitely does not count if you are drunk. Or tipsy.  Or quite frankly, just sat next to someone who had a drink one time 3 years ago.

So yeh, on that note, I better get to bed. It is getting late and I want to try and leave him just one more voicemail before I go to sleep.

I’m joking. My battery died.

Night night.

J #illavethat

P.S. I am still single, call me!

Have you got any crazy boy stories? ohhh please let me know I am not the only one!

#thepsychopathtest #jonronson #bookclub #blogger #london #dating #singlelife #single #datefail #tinder #relationshipgoals #bunnyboiler #psychopath

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